Where the F*ck Did Humility Go? 😐🫠🕳️🧠
You know what’s extinct? Not dinosaurs 🦖. Not CDs 💿. Humility.
That quiet, unsexy, emotionally intelligent, actually-human quality?
Yeah. It’s dead ☠️. Buried six feet under a pile of TikToks 🎥, gym selfies 💪, and fake-deep quotes on overpriced hoodies 🧘♀️✨.
These days, everyone's either a guru, a CEO of their childhood trauma™, or a walking TED Talk with attachment issues 🎤👶📈.
So pour yourself a vodka shot 🍸, light a scented candle made of pure delusion 🕯️, and let’s talk about the spiritual homicide of humility — one “look at me” moment at a time 💁♀️💀.
👯♀️ Friendship: Now With 100% More Narcissism 💖🧠
Friendship used to be:
“Hey, you okay?”
“Nah, life’s rough.”
“Want snacks and a vent session?”
“Hell yeah.”
Now it’s:
“OMG babe, you’re struggling? 😩 That’s so me in 2023. You should try ayahuasca 🍄 and journaling in third person ✍️ like I did. Changed my entire life 🙏✨.”
What the F*cking Fish 🐠?! Can I have a f*cking cry 😭 without it turning into your damn memoir launch 📚?
Everyone’s a guru now. Everyone’s “healed” 🧘♂️.
And somehow, your pain is always just an opening act for their goddamn TEDx story 🎭.
You’re crying over your dog’s death 🐶💔 and they’re like:
“That reminds me of when my startup almost died 💼💀… but I pivoted. Spiritually.”
💔 Relationships: From Love to LinkedIn Coaching Sessions 📊🫠
Dating used to be about connection 💞.
Now it’s about audience building 👀📱.
Modern relationships = two people taking turns monologuing 🎤 about their “inner work” while flexing they read The Body Keeps the Score 📘 (but only made it to page 12).
You say:
“I feel sad and disconnected.” 😔
They say:
“Wow. That’s your inner child calling for reparenting 👶🍼. Anyway, I just hit 20k followers 💁 on my trauma series. Wanna do breathwork or nah?”
F*ck a love language 💋—they speak in monetized trauma and curated self-discovery arcs 🧩📸.
I just wanted Thai food 🍜 and someone to hold my hand during a panic attack 😵💫.
But no, it’s all about:
“Energetic alignment” 🌌
“Personal branding compatibility” 💼❤️
“Love languages as business KPIs” 📈💔
Nobody wants to love.
Everyone just wants to pitch their f*cking brand deck over dinner 🍽️📊.
🏢 Workplace: Welcome to the Circlejerk of Ego 🍆📉
There used to be a time when you got promoted for working hard 💪, collaborating 🧑🤝🧑, and not being a twat 🐴.
Now? It’s all about being the loudest, most buzzword-barfing clown in the Zoom room 🤡💬.
“Just sharing a little win… only slept 2 hours ⏰, ran a marathon 🏃, built a SaaS product 💻, emotionally regulated my team 💞, and healed ancestral trauma ✨. Just vibing!! #GrindDaddy 🧠👑”
Shut. The. Actual. F*ck. Up. Kevin.
No one asked 🖕.
No one cares 🫥.
You're not Steve Jobs. You're just a dude with a Ring light and Asana addiction 💡📅.
And PLEASE — stop saying:
“Let’s circle back.”
Circle back to what, Kevin?
My will to f*cking live? 🌀🫠
🔥 Hustle Culture: Where Ego Masturbates to Its Own Calendar 📆💦
Let’s talk about the “Rise & Grind” degenerates 🤖 who treat burnout like a kink 🔥.
You work 16 hours? Cool 😐. Did you solve world hunger? 🍽️ No?
Then shut the f*ck up and stop flexing your Google Calendar like it’s a Nobel Prize 🏆📅.
These are the people who:
“Don’t rest 😴 — they recharge via vibration therapy 💫 while building an NFT empire out of gluten-free trauma 🍞💔.”
Humility? That’s weakness to them 😒.
Self-awareness? That’s for peasants who haven’t scaled their inner alignment™ 🧘📈.
If your self-worth depends on how exhausted you are, you don’t need a vacation.
You need a f*cking therapist 🛋️📉.
🧘 Real Self-Reflection: Boring, Quiet, and Actually Worth a Damn
Here’s the unsexy truth 🫣:
Humility doesn’t trend.
It doesn’t sparkle ✨.
It won’t get you a f*cking collagen sponsorship or a mushroom coffee collab ☕🍄.
But what does it do?
✅ Makes you bearable
✅ Helps you shut the f*ck up
✅ Prevents you from being a walking BuzzFeed headline with a superiority complex 🗞️🤡
Self-reflection is messy 💩.
It’s crying 😭.
It’s cringing 🫠.
It’s admitting you’ve been a dick 🍆.
And growing quietly, off-camera 🎬.
No ring light. No hashtags. No audience 👻.
🔮 Final Words (Before Someone Misquotes This for Clout)
Where the f*ck did humility go?
It didn’t disappear.
We evicted it.
Because it doesn’t sell 💰.
Doesn’t sparkle 💅.
And doesn’t scream “Boss Energy” 🤓⚡.
But maybe — just maybe —
being a decent f*cking human with a quiet soul and a solid sense of humor is the most underrated flex of all 😌✌️.
Even if nobody claps 👏. Even if it doesn’t get views 📉.
Now go meditate on that 🧘♀️...
or don’t. Whatever fits your vibe, Queen. 💅🖕🐼