“Why play 🎾 tennis or ⚽️ football when you can smash them together and call it innovation™️? Welcome to the Franken-sport era — where billionaires 💸, influencers 🤳, and confused gym rats 💪 combine perfectly normal sports into monstrosities like Pickleball 🥒, Chessboxing ♟🥊, and Bossaball 🏐🎧. It’s not about skill anymore — it’s about content 📸, chaos 🌀, and capitalism 💀. Grab a fish 🐟, hit a basketball 🏀, and call it fitness. Welcome to the future, loser.”

Discover the bare minimum fitness guide for the exhausted, unmotivated, and sarcastically self-aware. Led by the fabulous Sarcastic Unicorn, this anti-motivational workout routine blends real yoga and core-strengthening exercises with snacks, sass, and zero bulls**t. From “Netflix Deadlifts” to “I Can’t Even” Child’s Pose, get stronger without losing your will to flop.